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| What to Expect From a Divorce |
By Robin Roshkind, P.A.
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If you are currently facing a divorce, you are probably wondering what to expect from the
divorce process. Just as no two marriages are alike, however, no two divorces are alike or
have the exact same outcome either. Predictability and divorce do not go together. Still, an
experienced family law attorney will be able to give you some idea of what to expect before,
during and after your divorce. Armed with realistic expectations, you will have the best
chance of being satisfied with the end result of your divorce.
What a Divorce Can and Cannot do for You
Normally, people contemplating divorce have some idea of what to expect from a divorce.
They have witnessed divorces on television and in movies, and often personally know at
least a handful of people who have been through a divorce. Increasingly, people have also
experienced their own parents' divorce. In spite of this "second-hand" experience, facing
your own divorce is one of the more frightening events in life. Not only do you face a
court-sanctioned ending of possibly one of the more significant relationships you have ever
had, you also must begin to think about such unpleasant things as the division of property
and new living accommodations. In many cases, there is also the unhappy prospect of no
longer seeing your children on a daily basis. While divorce may not be the hardest thing that
your life has to offer, neither will it be a panacea for all your current problems and negative
emotions. Consequently, it is wise to understand the realities of what a divorce can and
cannot do for you.
What Divorce Can Do
A divorce court will attempt to divide the property of a marriage in the most economic way
possible. Most states will exclude from this division any property that was acquired prior to
the marriage or that was acquired via gift or inheritance. In some states (community property
states) this involves a 50/50 split of the property acquired by the parties during the marriage.
Other states (non-community property states) will inquire into the couple's individual
financial circumstances, financial plans for the future, and other relevant matters in attempting
an equitable distribution of the property. This distribution will be done differently depending
on the circumstances of each particular case. That is why it is often difficult for attorneys to
predict exactly how the divorce court will handle the division of a couple's property.
Take for example a situation where a married couple, Al and Meg, owned a carpeting
business. Al and Meg began the business together early in their marriage, and they both
contributed to the successful start up of the business. Once it was off the ground, however,
the couple decided to have children. After the birth of the couple's first child, Meg continued
to do the books for the business. However, as the business began to grow and the couple
had two more children, Meg began devoting her full energy to the couple's home and family
duties. Therefore, additional staff was hired to take care of the active roles that Meg had
once had in the business. When the youngest of Al and Megs' children was four years old
and the eldest was nine, the couple filed for divorce. Al and Meg could not agree on what to
do with the business. Meg wanted the business sold, while Al wanted to continue to run the
business. The decision was left to the judge, who determined that the business had little
market value and it was more profitable for Al to continue to run the business. Because the
two could not feasibly continue to own the business together, Meg was awarded a partial
payout for her share of the business (based on expert evaluations of its value) and monthly
payments until her share was satisfied in whole.
In the above example, the court determined that it was best to leave Al and Megs' carpet
business intact. Under slightly different circumstances, however, the same judge might
decide to sell the business and split the proceeds between the divorcing couple. Because the
division of property is never predictable, if you have a strong need for some item of
property, it may be best to have your attorney negotiate and settle the property distribution
ahead of time with your spouse's attorney. For example, you may decide that, although you
would really like to stay in the family home, you really need to keep your business.
Therefore, you might forgo the home in favor of the business. In this manner, you can
attempt to strike a mutually satisfying agreement for dividing property with your spouse.
Courts will also determine a couple's support obligations. This can come in the form of child
support and spousal support (a/k/a alimony). Child support payments are now largely set by
state law, however, deviation from those standards are not uncommon. Also, child support
orders may depend on the custody arrangements ordered. In general, spousal support
largely depends on the facts and circumstances of each particular couple. Therefore, here
again, any attempt at predicting a court's ultimate support decision is often a waste of time.
Aside from the distribution of wealth, the other main function of the divorce court is to set
child custody and visitation schedules. This too is anything but predictable. While courts
often try to make their decision based on a set of factors said to promote the "best interest"
of the child, these decisions can vary from case to case and court to court. After all, human
judges, who are influenced by their own beliefs, opinions and values, apply these factors.
Further, judges usually see and hear only the worst of people during heated custody
proceedings. Based on their limited "view" into the parents' lives, a divorce court may not
always make the "best" possible decision when it comes to custody. Here again, negotiation
and settlement are important options to remember. Everybody, especially, your children will
benefit by a cooperative child custody arrangement.
What Divorce Will Not Do
A divorce cannot accomplish an exact, mathematically equal division of property and equal
time with children. Because no two people, no two marriages and no two divorces are alike,
the judge who enters a divorce order must make the best decision with the limited time and
information available. It may not always be the fairest possible decision that could have been
reached and it is certain not to favor you individually in every possible way. Divorce courts
often have to make the best of terrible circumstances. For instance, there can be no
satisfactory custody arrangement when one parent lives in Cheyenne, Wyoming and the
other lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan. It just is not possible. Furthermore, even though a court
can set custody and visitation arrangements, it will not be present every Friday when it is
time for mom to drop off the kids, and it will not spend the weekend with dad, making sure
he does not make snide comments about mom around the children. Although you can keep
dragging your ex back into court, this is both frustrating and expensive. Unfortunately, at
some level, a court order is just a piece of paper. Mom and dad will STILL have to civilly
deal with each other to carry out the terms of the custody and visitation order. Divorce does
not take away your responsibility towards your children, and this includes dealing with their
other parent, because divorce does not make your ex-spouse any less your child's parent
(the possible exception would of course be in cases of abuse).
You should also recognize that a divorce court cannot increase your salary to prevent your
standard of living from declining once you divorce. Unfortunately, from an economic
standpoint, it is simply much cheaper for two people to live together, sharing expenses, than
it is to maintain two separate households. Divorce will change your standard of living and
there is little, if anything, the court can do about the change. Finally, a court will not be able
to punish your ex-spouse or morally vindicate you for all of the bad things that happened
while you were married. Moreover, the divorce process will not heal your emotional
wounds or even take away the necessity of grieving the failed relationship. That is your job,
although you can seek assistance through therapists and support groups.
Important Law Governing Divorce in Florida
Florida is a no fault divorce state. The only requirements to getting a divorce in the state of
Florida are: 1) that the marraige be declared by one of the partners as irretrievably broken,
and 2) that the declaring party be a resident of the state of Florida for six (6) months prior to
filing the petition. Property is divided according to equitable distribution principals not
according to community property principals of law. Also, any property that was acquired
prior to the marriage or that was acquired via gift or inheritance is not considered marital
property unless commingled with marital property after date of marriage. When the court
determines custody, Florida Judges tend to be gender neutral in determining which parent
the child should be placed with. Factors which determine custody are based upon what is in
the best interest of the child.
Conclusion
A divorce may be just the fresh start you need to get on with your life. In all truth, however,
"the getting on with life" depends on your dedication to the process. It is not something that
a court order will accomplish for you. Having realistic expectations as to what a divorce can
and cannot do serves as a good beginning point for a satisfactory end to your marriage.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Robin Roshkind, P.A. concentrates on settlement of all the issues a divorcing couple must consider.
The firm is a founding participant in the Collaborative Divorce Lawyers Association of Palm Beach County,
a group of divorce attorneys which advocates amicable resolution and divorce with dignity.
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